|12| [Video]

[wing_attack]

[Tobias... doesn't look so good right now. The holidays had been nice, with people around him, but he couldn't help but think about the person who should be around, celebrating the holidays with him.]

[Should be, but isn't. Can't. Even if she came here somehow before -]

[- it'd be weird, knowing she was supposed to be dead.]

[So it's with the Lake of Rage in the background that Tobias looks up at the camera, blinking slowly. Maybe he should have set it to text, but whatever. It's too late now.]

If you... wanted to honor someone who wasn't here... who'd died... how would you do it? They... she was a hero. She died a hero. So I want to do something, but I don't... it's not like I have her ashes with me.

I know... that as long as I'm around, she's... I mean she's dead, but... I still remember her. I still...

... But she's dead, so... does it even matter anymore? Does... it really matter what I feel about... everything? She wasn't the only one who died that day but I... she was... I...

[He drops the 'Gear, his face in his hands, and a big furry brown paw reaches down to shut it off.]

Comments

[video]

[captainash]

...Bisidian honors its dead by drinking to their memory while sharing anecdotes and good times. That'd be difficult if you're the only one around who knew her, though, unless you don't mind rambling to other people.

[Not very solemn, perhaps, but it works for his crew.]

[Voice]

[wing_attack]

[He's... recovered enough to at least speak, but he's not up for video while he's still got tears on his face.]

... I don't drink, but... that sounds nice. I... had a lot of good times with her. ... She helped me hold on to being human.

[Voice]

[captainash]

Sounds like you'd have a lot of good memories to share. Maybe, if she had a favorite drink, you could use that instead. It'd be like have a little part of her around, you know?

[Voice]

[wing_attack]

Well... neither of us could drink. Not old enough, you know?

[He laughs quietly for a moment.]

Maybe... soda. She liked some of the weird kinds of soda.

[Voice]

[captainash]

[That laugh, quiet as it is, brings out an unseen smile.]

Weird sodas? I've heard of worse tastes. Have you seen any of them in the stores around here, or are they too weird even for the locals?

[audio]

[nullorvoid]

[...Damn. Okay, that's...he doesn't exactly have good answers, but death is something that tends to catch his attention for obvious reasons.]

I'm sure you've already heard a lot of the standard advice, and I'm not going to try to be cute and tell you that everything happens for a reason or that she's in a better place now or whatever, because that doesn't help any. Not in the long run, anyway, because better place or not you probably want her here with you and not...that.

I don't know, you've probably heard the whole thing about living your life in a way they'd want you to. That's probably one of the better bits of advice out there. Honor them in what you do with yourself.

[audio]

[wing_attack]

... I don't know how to do that, though. Most of what we knew for a few years was fighting, and I can't do that anymore. I guess... she wanted me to hold on to my humanity, and I can do that... but I don't really know what to do to live my life how she'd want me to.

[nullorvoid]

Sometimes that's all you can really do, though, basic shit.

[...]

Who was she, anyway? To you.

[wing_attack]

She was...

[He's quiet for a few long moments, and then the sound of something shifting against fur.]

She was my... best friend, I guess. More than that. I.. she cared about me, she fought alongside me for three years - I mean the others did too, but it was always something... more with her. She held on to human things of mine. A photo. Clothes I could use when I morphed human. We... I guess... we were sort of a couple, without really being one. It was like the most screwed up Romeo and Juliet thing, except Romeo was a bird most of the time and Juliet regularly turned into a grizzly bear.

I don't really know how to describe it.

[Feelings are hard.]

video;

[ossifragant]

[That's a.... tough question. But he looks like he's taking it seriously, though his voice is rather distant.]

Before coming here, I'd lost a lot of people I cared about very quickly. Most of my friends died, all within a period of about half an hour or so. I understand what you're going through.

You could light a candle, do something she used to enjoy in her memory. Something like that.

voice;

[wing_attack]

... Sorry... to hear that.

[That... sounds pretty terrible.]

She'd probably go on a shopping spree or something to cheer her up, but I'm kind of useless when it comes to clothes.

voice;

[ossifragant]

You said she died a hero.

What about a Pokemon battle in her honor with someone you're close to? It's not the same thing as fighting in a war, but it's the closest this place has.

voice;

[wing_attack]

... That might be kind of nice. I could even use the Pokemon I named after her.

voice;

[pipers_son]

...Back home- y'know how it is, all Christianity and such. Lotsa tears, lotsa black, flowers on graves and things. I mean, that's what normal folks did and the like.

Never really experienced it myself.

[And by 'it', he means the funerals. Not the death. He knows that well enough.]

...But I can tell ya that it matters what ya feel about it all. Not sure what ta do for that part, but yer feelins are definitely important. Sure, lotsa people died, but she was important ta ya. There's no fightin' that.

voice;

[wing_attack]

Didn't... have a grave. She had a memorial, kind of, but she was cremated. They let me take the ashes. She probably would have thought the urn they picked out was stupid.

[Too delicate, too fragile. At least it survived being lifted by a hawk.]

I... it was a bit ago, but it still keeps hitting me.

voice;

[pipers_son]

That sorta thing never leaves ya. People say it does, but it don't.

voice;

[wing_attack]

Yeah. I just... when I think about it, I go all numb, aside from crying.

[video]

[lieutenantantichrist]

Hey. Kid. Pick up. Talk to me.

[Tobias usually has himself together. Seeing him like this has Blake shaken. However, he's known plenty of people who've lost friends in the line of duty. Lost a few himself.]

I'll tell you what we always did. Step one is find the son of a bitch who did it and put them behind bars or in traction. Both's good.

There's always the funerals, the official stuff, but the real step two is, you go out and get a beer, and you talk about them. The old stories everybody's heard a hundred times, or something nobody else knows that just never came up before.

Tell me about her.

[He knows Tobias has had a rough life. Blake's just gotten a glimpse of the war he is too damn young to have been a part of. Adults should've been the ones to take care of that. That's what soldiers and cops are for, and in Tobias' case, they didn't do their damn jobs. At least now, one can listen to him.]

[voice]

[wing_attack]

[He does pick up, but it's not video. Sorry, Blake. You'll have to deal with audio only this time.]

... It was a bunch of them that attacked at once, but... she took out the guy who she was sent to take out. I watched it on the screen with the others - she was on a different ship. I... she got blinded, and I had to direct her, and she got him. Bit down on him. You'd think it'd be easy for a grizzly to take out a cobra but... it wasn't so simple. He's dead, though. Both her cousin and the Yeerk that infested him.

[Even though he'd thought of Tom as the Yeerk for a long time, there was a human in there, somewhere.]

Rachel... Rachel was fierce and... she got the nickname Xena. Like the warrior princess? She did gymnastics and shopped a lot but was the fiercest fighter of all of us. She kept us going in battle, dragging us along even when we thought we couldn't keep it up... and I'd visit her at night. Land on her window and talk to her. She... helped me stay human, really. She was... there were a lot of times I thought I'd lose myself, but she helped me find myself. She was gentle and fierce and kind and practical and...

[He breaks off, sniffling.]

[voice]

[lieutenantantichrist]

[He's all right with switching to voice. He can understand not wanting to have to look at people.

He listens quietly. He doesn't understand all of it, but he gets the important part: Tobias's friend went down fighting. He would hardly believe a teenage girl could do that, before he met Heather.]

She must've been tough.

[That's one of the highest compliments Blake knows.]

I've known people like that. If they went out with a bang like that...they'd be proud.

[voice]

[wing_attack]

... She was. She was... the toughest of all of us. And... I guess she would be. She just...

I... I wish she was here. I don't... for three years she was with me. It... sometimes feels like it wasn't real, even... though I know it was.

[Video]

[foolishwren]

<sub>[God.]

[It's not that she doesn't have the experience necessary to talk on a topic like this-- she does. Good lord, she has it in spades.]

[But it never gets any easier, even for people who have ridden this rodeo more times than they can count.]</sub>

... It matters, Tobias. It matters a lot.

As for honoring her... well, that's different for everybody, but me... I try to think about the happy memories. That's probably how most people would rather be remembered. It'll still be sad, but... hopefully it'll feel a little good, too.

_{[She'd suggest having a stiff drink while doing so, but she can't remember if Tobias is actually legal or not. And as much as SHE didn't give a shit when it came to herself, now that she's technically an 'adult' she'd really rather not encourage kids to break the law.]}

[Audio]

[wing_attack]

I try, but... I keep thinking about... about how she died, and... and about everything that's... about..

... I know you're right. It's just... hard to push them aside from the horrible memories.

[Audio]

[foolishwren]

I know. I know, it is really hard.

I'm sorry.

[Audio]

[wing_attack]

... It sucks, Heather. It sucks and it's not fair.