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[Tobias... doesn't look so good right now. The holidays had been nice, with people around him, but he couldn't help but think about the person who should be around, celebrating the holidays with him.]
[Should be, but isn't. Can't. Even if she came here somehow before -]
[- it'd be weird, knowing she was supposed to be dead.]
[So it's with the Lake of Rage in the background that Tobias looks up at the camera, blinking slowly. Maybe he should have set it to text, but whatever. It's too late now.]
If you... wanted to honor someone who wasn't here... who'd died... how would you do it? They... she was a hero. She died a hero. So I want to do something, but I don't... it's not like I have her ashes with me.
I know... that as long as I'm around, she's... I mean she's dead, but... I still remember her. I still...
... But she's dead, so... does it even matter anymore? Does... it really matter what I feel about... everything? She wasn't the only one who died that day but I... she was... I...
[He drops the 'Gear, his face in his hands, and a big furry brown paw reaches down to shut it off.]
[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-10 07:34 pm (UTC)From:voice;
Date: 2016-01-10 07:37 pm (UTC)From:[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-10 07:38 pm (UTC)From:voice;
Date: 2016-01-11 03:14 am (UTC)From:voice;
Date: 2016-01-11 04:02 am (UTC)From:Never really experienced it myself.
[And by 'it', he means the funerals. Not the death. He knows that well enough.]
...But I can tell ya that it matters what ya feel about it all. Not sure what ta do for that part, but yer feelins are definitely important. Sure, lotsa people died, but she was important ta ya. There's no fightin' that.
[video]
Date: 2016-01-11 05:54 am (UTC)From:[Tobias usually has himself together. Seeing him like this has Blake shaken. However, he's known plenty of people who've lost friends in the line of duty. Lost a few himself.]
I'll tell you what we always did. Step one is find the son of a bitch who did it and put them behind bars or in traction. Both's good.
There's always the funerals, the official stuff, but the real step two is, you go out and get a beer, and you talk about them. The old stories everybody's heard a hundred times, or something nobody else knows that just never came up before.
Tell me about her.
[He knows Tobias has had a rough life. Blake's just gotten a glimpse of the war he is too damn young to have been a part of. Adults should've been the ones to take care of that. That's what soldiers and cops are for, and in Tobias' case, they didn't do their damn jobs. At least now, one can listen to him.]
voice;
Date: 2016-01-11 07:32 am (UTC)From:voice;
Date: 2016-01-11 07:34 am (UTC)From:[Too delicate, too fragile. At least it survived being lifted by a hawk.]
I... it was a bit ago, but it still keeps hitting me.
[voice]
Date: 2016-01-11 07:49 am (UTC)From:... It was a bunch of them that attacked at once, but... she took out the guy who she was sent to take out. I watched it on the screen with the others - she was on a different ship. I... she got blinded, and I had to direct her, and she got him. Bit down on him. You'd think it'd be easy for a grizzly to take out a cobra but... it wasn't so simple. He's dead, though. Both her cousin and the Yeerk that infested him.
[Even though he'd thought of Tom as the Yeerk for a long time, there was a human in there, somewhere.]
Rachel... Rachel was fierce and... she got the nickname Xena. Like the warrior princess? She did gymnastics and shopped a lot but was the fiercest fighter of all of us. She kept us going in battle, dragging us along even when we thought we couldn't keep it up... and I'd visit her at night. Land on her window and talk to her. She... helped me stay human, really. She was... there were a lot of times I thought I'd lose myself, but she helped me find myself. She was gentle and fierce and kind and practical and...
[He breaks off, sniffling.]
[voice]
Date: 2016-01-11 02:56 pm (UTC)From:He listens quietly. He doesn't understand all of it, but he gets the important part: Tobias's friend went down fighting. He would hardly believe a teenage girl could do that, before he met Heather.]
She must've been tough.
[That's one of the highest compliments Blake knows.]
I've known people like that. If they went out with a bang like that...they'd be proud.
[voice]
Date: 2016-01-11 05:50 pm (UTC)From:I... I wish she was here. I don't... for three years she was with me. It... sometimes feels like it wasn't real, even... though I know it was.
voice;
Date: 2016-01-11 06:24 pm (UTC)From:voice;
Date: 2016-01-11 06:32 pm (UTC)From:[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-11 11:29 pm (UTC)From:[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-12 12:41 am (UTC)From:voice;
Date: 2016-01-12 04:04 am (UTC)From:I don't think people who would tell you it gets easier are trying to lie, I just can't say I agree with what they're doing.
[voice]
Date: 2016-01-12 10:37 am (UTC)From:Here, it's easy to feel like the past never happened. But it did. All you gotta do is remember it.
voice;
Date: 2016-01-12 11:09 pm (UTC)From:[voice]
Date: 2016-01-12 11:11 pm (UTC)From:... I can't exactly forget it, Blake. There's a reason I keep Regal close when I sleep.
[Fight or flight, just in case he wakes up to trouble... and a nice fluffy friend to help keep him calm.]
[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-12 11:55 pm (UTC)From:[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-13 02:16 am (UTC)From:voice;
Date: 2016-01-13 06:00 am (UTC)From:It's tough.
voice;
Date: 2016-01-13 07:37 pm (UTC)From:[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-14 01:15 am (UTC)From:[Voice]
Date: 2016-01-14 02:19 am (UTC)From: